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Welcome
into the thick of spring, readers!
Temperatures
are rising, young men's fancies are turning to love, my air
conditioner-less Southern California apartment is approaching
Sahara-ness… and you're here, checking out our latest issue.
All is right with the world. Remind me to buy you a drink
next time I see you.
Old business:
So, it turns out that our April Fool's issue gained some attention
on the interweb, either for giving people a laugh or for being
a little too believable. Most notably, the pop culture gluttons
over at Gawker.com named us one of the day's "
Most Tolerable April Fool's Pranks," sharing the honor
with such rags as the UK-based Telegraph,
which is in partnership with the BBC. That's right. The HBC
is on par with the UK's national televised media. I'm trying
to come up with a joke about that, but I think it's already
pretty funny on its own, so…
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| This
is the wrong kind of telegraph. |
Here's
something I was thinking about just recently: When you go
to the gym, do you read while you're working out? I do. I'll
bring the latest issue of mental_floss magazine or
whatever book I'm currently reading (if it's small enough
to rest on an elliptical machine). Anyway, have you ever noticed
what everyone else at the gym is reading? Does it make you
sad that it's all either US Weekly or copies of The
Five People You Meet in Heaven? Yeah. You're right. I'm
a jerk.
But,
seriously. I understand that when you go to the gym, you're
usually all sweaty and wearing that shirt you spray painted
yourself, but it is a bit a meat market, right? That's
part of the reason lots of my friends don't go to the gym.
When you're trying to work out, you don't really want to feel
judged. Well, I'm afraid I'm busy judging the heck out of
everyone. Hey dude, you have huge arms and could probably
kill me in less than 30 seconds, but you are also sporting
a huge "Fox Racing" tattoo, which may be the most idiotic
thing I've seen all year. Point: Kyle. (Sidenote: I spent
a considerable amount of time thinking of which brand name
I'd want permanently placed on my body in an eight-inch-wide
image, and I simply couldn't think of anything worthwhile.)
But, for the most part, those same people who are in better
shape than I've been in since fourth grade are generally attached
to reading material that makes me sad about life. Oh hey,
cute girl, how are…. oh… is that… The Seven Habits of Highly
Effective People? Oops, forgot that I'm gay. Yeah… I'm
that worn out.
Now,
granted, I would probably be similarly turned off if she were
hoisting Gravity's Rainbow on the ab-crusher. Actually,
no. Even though that is probably not a person I'll gel with
terribly well, I'd be tempted to talk to her out of the sheer
novelty of the thing. There is always the chance it's a ruse,
though. There's a photo that's been posted in our LiveJournal
community (and has since re-emerged in our Facebook
group) of a fellow at a bar clutching a copy of Lois Lowry's
The Giver and appears to be pontificating to the woman
sitting next to him. HBC staff writer Bri Lafond described
it as being his "wing book." Now, I'd be immensely
more ready to attribute such silly antics to a fellow than
a lady, so I suppose a gal cracking down some Pynchon's gotta
be the real deal. Granted, it's sort of a ridiculous thing
to hoist to the gym, but so it goes. In the meantime, I'll
continue reading whatever it is I'm reading, hoping it'll
catch the eye of some like-minded lass. If you come over and
strike up a conversation about my John Darnielle-penned book
about Black Sabbath's Master of Reality, you'll probably
win my crooked little heart.
If you
have any stories about people using books to lure in brainier
mates, or perhaps you've engaged in such tactics, I'd
really love to hear about it. Email us at hipsterbookclub@gmail.com.
In the meantime, please enjoy this month's issue.
<3,
Kyle
(May,
2008)
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